Just one?

This post really isn’t as much of a thought or an idea as it is a lot of questions; or series of things I have been mulling over and want your input and thoughts on.

I often on and off wonder, if I am doing enough for the kingdom of God in the way I live my life. Or rather, am I doing as much as I ought to? Maybe could I, or should I, be doing more? I have always thought of myself as a rebelutionary of sorts. Not the kind that made the best grades or succeeded at everything they put their hand to and became a business owner at the age of 16, but just an ordinary rebelutionary who strove to excel in the mundane ordinary life things. And God has always had His hand upon me in that and I know it and people have told me that they could see it all my life and He has brought me where I am now and will continue. '

But what if I could do more than I even think is possible. What if I gave more of my small little salary to aid causes that are spreading the gospel or freeing slaves instead of thinking that some family with a steadier income and more money or a more established career person will give what I think I can’t?

This specific situation has been bugging my heart recently, and I just have to throw it out there. I was reading up on some orphanages in India, where they don’t want baby girls because of the extra expense (paying a dowry to get her married as opposed to having a son and getting paid) or because they want sons to care for them. In short the girls are malnourished and die by the hundreds for lack of care. I was reading about an orphanage that had people drop baby girls off at the door all the time and just leave them to be taken care of or die. In 2007 this orphanage was charging less than $450 to come adopt any of their kids. India sent out a request or plea to Europe and other western nations begging them to come adopt their children that are unwanted.

For less than twice the amount I just spent on my plane ticket to go home, I could pay the fee minus plane tickets to bring a child home from India.

I was kind of floored.

To be honest, while I have always wanted to, I have never considered myself in a position to even consider adoption. I am 19 and unmarried. Legally I have to be 21 to adopt from India, but if I was 21 and unmarried or even a newly wed or even had a small child or two of my own, would I consider myself in a place to do something like that? What if I was a 24+ year old girl living with my parents waiting for prince charming… would I consider adopting a child? Would I lay aside my dream or ideal of the perfect family… the whole first comes love then comes marriage… THEN comes the baby in the baby carriage ideal? But, someone has to take them in and as the Brandon Heath song says: “What if I’m the one?”

Why couldn’t I adopt a baby as a single 21yr old? If I was legally able to and could support the baby and me financially and had a place to live… why not? Even as a young single mother I could give that baby a better home than they have right now. Does it have to be a mother and a father right away? Would God provide me with a man that would be okay with that? Do good Christian guys even consider girls that have adopted a child? Does that even matter? How much of my life am I willing to give? Sometimes I wonder if I have a “Yes, God I will serve You with my single years however You want, but I expect my future to be picture perfect” complex.

What if I made a choice per His leading and DID adopt a baby girl from India in those single years, that would affect my picture perfect rest of my life… significantly. Maybe I should just wait… but…maybe not.

Or what about the Human Trafficking cause. Setting girls just like me free from the horrific bondage of a sex slave. There are tons of places that need people like me, but it comes with a price, my life and investment of time. Am I willing to set aside my dreams to go to a land where I don't know people, to be in danger myself, to help others? Are those things too big or too hard for one little me and one big God?

What if I committed to a year long missions trip around the world? What if I moved to Mexico and served. Just served. I feel like there is so much to do, but I have never really thrown myself out there and done any of it. Perhaps my calling isn’t to be some big, maybe it is just to do little things well. I really don’t know, but I still wonder.

Maybe I could be doing more than I am… maybe I’m the one… maybe not.