Hillary's Blog: February 2011

>> Sunday, February 27, 2011

Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in endless praise.

Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice and let me sing,
Always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee.

Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.

Frances R. Havergal, 1874

>> Friday, February 25, 2011

Every time God turns me around for a moment and shows me what he has done with my life, and how He has used things that I would not have thought to make me who I am now and who I will be, I am amazed.

I wrote a blog post titled "I wonder" in which I quoted the song titled that by Kelli Pickler and added a few pictures from my life at that time. I was so hurt and filled with disbelief that this would be my life. That my parents would have split up. That my baby sister would be sobbing on my shoulder because she missed her mommy. I remember finding comfort in that song because she described perfectly, how I felt and what I thought when I looked at my siblings. I wondered if things would ever be better and if I would ever ever be able to work past this massive deficit in my heart.

Fast forward roughly 3 years...

The truth is the truth and sometimes it cannot be softened, but at the same time, forgiveness is still very much alive and at work. Every time I see my mom cry when one of us leaves, something in me aches. Aches to make it better. Aches to go back in time and change the way things happened. Yet at the same time I see a little of why first of all God allowed my family to fall apart. And secondly, why He allowed my "Ex-stepmother" to come in and just wreak havoc in my already hurting family. How could God let someone kick us while we were down and how could God let a good godly loving family fall in the first place?

I can't remember where I first heard the song"7X70" by Chris August, a few weeks ago but it made me sob, just bawl my heart out. Not because I was hurt, but because I was healing. I suddenly saw all the ways God has worked and been restoring relationships that I thought were beyond repair.

While I will be straight up and honest here, I still struggle deeply with the hurt Loretta caused me and my family. Yet at the same time, that is something that I surrender back to the Lord every time it comes up and I think it will take a few more years for it to heal completely.

However, in regards to my mom and the way I have seen God using my time out here in WA to slowly work on that relationship that was destroyed and to bring me to a place of total forgiveness and peace with her, I am awestruck. I honestly didn't expect God to work that quickly or that deeply in my heart.

Does it still hurt? YES!

Am I "over it" ? NO!

Sometimes I don't even believe that it happened and that I will wake up soon and it will all just be a bad dream. But at the same time I understand that what is done is done and He has been SO gracious to provide the grace to carry on in love.

I really don't have a dramatic ending for this post so I will just imbedd the video (Umm use the video in the link above when I first referenced it for the official music video that wont let me Embed!) and say one more thing.

I love you mommy!

Grandma Nancy and Wisdom

>> Wednesday, February 16, 2011

By natural roots and as long as I can remember I have always been very sentimental. I saved special things and kept them forever just because they reminded me of a time or person.

Ya, I just finally got rid of my Bookit! pin with all the little silver stickers that I had when I was 6ish? (mom?) to be rewarded by pizza hut for my reading (mostly just to get free pizza though).

I also have this weakness when it comes to hand written notes and when I get one I pretty much hang on to it forever. I keep a manila envelope full of little notes with “I love you” “this verse blessed me and I thought I would share it with you”, “I am sorry”, “I am so proud of you”, ect… written on everything from post-its and daddy’s famous yellow note pads , to pretty stationary and embossed cards.

Sometimes I like to go back and read through all of them and it always…always makes me cry and miss people.

For some reason, this evening I decided to take them all out and read them again since it had been several months since I read them last and I also had some to add to the collection.

I expected to cry, but I did not expect God to use words that were written years ago to encourage me as much as He did!

For those of you who don’t know them, Bob and Nancy Buchanan were two of the most influential people in my life from the ages of around 7 or 8 up until the time of their death when I was 14. “Grandma Nancy” and I used to exchange handwritten letters that started out as mailing each other stickers and talking about animals and flowers. However, some of the final letters before her passing, were chock full of biblical truths and deep spiritual

conversations that really helped to lay the groundwork for me and deepened my walk with the Lord. Little did either of us know that several years down the road, I would be wishing so badly to sit down with her and talk like we used to and ask her all my hard questions like I used to, and I would pull out those letters.

For the benefit of all of us I typed up some excerpts from those letters that I wanted to share with y’all.

In a note card dated exactly 5 years ago last Thursday,

“I am Glad God lifted you out of a spiritual low. I pray that you’re finding God to be everything you need and want and that He alone can satisfy the deepest longings in your heart. No one can ever satisfy like Jesus. I can attest to the fact that after 50+ years of walking with Him that He is more precious to me each day. Just remember that time alone with Him will bring you true joy.”

Written before that one on January 23^rd, 2006

“I love to claim a verse that meant so much to our son who is now with Jesus. It is 1 Timothy 1:7 and says: “God has not given us a spirit of timidity or fear but, of love, power and self discipline.” Keep putting on the armor every morning and yield, all that you have and all that you are, to Him. I thank God for His great faithfulness to each of us. He is always there to be whatever we need A rock, a refuge, a shelter, a strong tower, a friend, a Father, our joy, our peace, our burden bearer, our strength, our deliverer and so much more. He wants to be our everything. I’m sure the experiences you have had, God has used in your growth of faith!! May He keep you covered with His blood.”

And later on in the same letter

“We feel like God may bring us back to NE someday, and how much we would like to be with all of you. It doesn’t appear that it will be right away. We think He is saying stay put for now and just wait on Me. If we had our way we would probably have left yesterday! God seems to want Bob to keep plugging away at his insurance job right now. He would so much rather be in full time ministry again. We don’t know out future, we just take one day at a time, knowing our future is in His hands and that is where we want it to be. He has never failed us, and has been very good to us in 45yrs of marriage! Hallelujah what a Savior!”

I love the way God works, I love how she wrote all those words intending them to encourage me and 5 years later I would be sitting at my computer typing this up and bawling because those truths and encouragements meet me at a place where I need to hear and hearing them from her is just that much more special!!

Philosophy #2

>> Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I came across this today on a friends facebook and it completely and totally sums up my life and wardrobe choices.

Valentines day

>> Monday, February 14, 2011

This is my cupid:

So far he has only thrown blocks and other hard baby toys so I am not too confident in his arrow shooting capabilities at this point. ;-)

But I LOVE HIM!!!!! Oh my gosh... he melts my little heart like nothing else..

Whoopsie Daisey! Gotta pick up those chocolates he dropped!

Yep, this is my valentine this year. Cutest one I have ever had! Solly, May I be your valentine till you graduate highschool? (You are NOT allowed to date till then btw) Thank you Punkin!

Converse

>> Friday, February 11, 2011

So Solly and I both got super awesome and cool converse shoes... I decided to see how many ways I could differently take pictures of the same thing, the result is below. Favorites?

Photo of the day (2-10-11)

Today I got to watch both Easton and Solly again (we are making this a habit every Thursday) and lets just say we had loads of fun! Oh and let us also say that I am NEVER using that carrier with a boy as big as Solly again. My back still hurts! :-P

(Sorry about the poor photo quality... you know.. dark hallways.. iPhone cameras...)

Random Photo of the day

>> Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Solly always cries or fusses when someone leaves. Lately he has been running to the baby gate that keeps him from going down stairs and giving me a goodbye kiss... makes me melt in a little puddle and not want to leave :-)

Nanny McMee - Week in review

>> Sunday, February 6, 2011

This week was an ups and downs week because I was sick on Sunday and Monday and then Solly was a miserable wreck Wednesday and Thursday. :-)

Just a chillin on the pile of clothes that is supposed to go to my sisters (still can't get rid of anything without running it by them) ;-) Oh and my empty granola bars box. He threw them all over and I still haven't found them all :-)

This is a really gross picture but he loves my waterbottle and it always trying to drink out of it... this time... epic fail :-)

This would be us looking miserable and horrible (note the SNOT on my sweatshirt... that was NOT mine) and watching old disney cartoons on youtube.

This would be us looking awesome and cute waiting to be seated at Red Robin for an early birthday dinner for Aunt Catherine

More freakish cuteness... gosh boy...

Milkshakes!!! I am not a huge icecream fan but then the occasion calls I am totally sold. This was the best banana milkshake with whipped topping and sprinkles EVER!!

"Really mom? I thought you would have seen that one coming"

Cute, cute CUTE people

We trucked on over to Redmond this (Saturday) evening to babysit Solly and Easton while all the parents went out for another birthday dinner for Aunt Catherine

Little man feet.... ♥ (dont you just want to kiss all those toes!) Ya....me neither....