7X70

Every time God turns me around for a moment and shows me what he has done with my life, and how He has used things that I would not have thought to make me who I am now and who I will be, I am amazed.

I wrote a blog post titled "I wonder" in which I quoted the song titled that by Kelli Pickler and added a few pictures from my life at that time. I was so hurt and filled with disbelief that this would be my life. That my parents would have split up. That my baby sister would be sobbing on my shoulder because she missed her mommy. I remember finding comfort in that song because she described perfectly, how I felt and what I thought when I looked at my siblings. I wondered if things would ever be better and if I would ever ever be able to work past this massive deficit in my heart.

Fast forward roughly 3 years...

The truth is the truth and sometimes it cannot be softened, but at the same time, forgiveness is still very much alive and at work. Every time I see my mom cry when one of us leaves, something in me aches. Aches to make it better. Aches to go back in time and change the way things happened. Yet at the same time I see a little of why first of all God allowed my family to fall apart. And secondly, why He allowed my "Ex-stepmother" to come in and just wreak havoc in my already hurting family. How could God let someone kick us while we were down and how could God let a good godly loving family fall in the first place?

I can't remember where I first heard the song"7X70" by Chris August, a few weeks ago but it made me sob, just bawl my heart out. Not because I was hurt, but because I was healing. I suddenly saw all the ways God has worked and been restoring relationships that I thought were beyond repair.

While I will be straight up and honest here, I still struggle deeply with the hurt Loretta caused me and my family. Yet at the same time, that is something that I surrender back to the Lord every time it comes up and I think it will take a few more years for it to heal completely.

However, in regards to my mom and the way I have seen God using my time out here in WA to slowly work on that relationship that was destroyed and to bring me to a place of total forgiveness and peace with her, I am awestruck. I honestly didn't expect God to work that quickly or that deeply in my heart.

Does it still hurt? YES!

Am I "over it" ? NO!

Sometimes I don't even believe that it happened and that I will wake up soon and it will all just be a bad dream. But at the same time I understand that what is done is done and He has been SO gracious to provide the grace to carry on in love.

I really don't have a dramatic ending for this post so I will just imbedd the video (Umm use the video in the link above when I first referenced it for the official music video that wont let me Embed!) and say one more thing.

I love you mommy!